


Pigeons

by aftershocks



Category: Deadpool (Comics), Marvel (Comics)
Genre: Crack, Drabble, Pigeons, Wade likes Spidey's butt and other things, bothering the Avengers
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2012-09-10
Updated: 2012-09-10
Packaged: 2017-11-13 22:33:29
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 266
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/508445
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/aftershocks/pseuds/aftershocks
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Wade Wilson is bored.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Pigeons

Boredom, Wade Wilson decided, was the kind of thing that needed to stop finding its way into the minds of crazed psychopaths, because that was where it had the greatest luck in inspiring murderous rampages. In fact, he had considered a murderous rampage for a full five minutes before he remembered how hard and how fast Fury’s people tended to come down on him when that happened. 

[Heh. Hard and fast.] “Yeah. I really wish that was an innuendo. You have no idea, boxes. No. Idea.”

So rather than actually killing anyone, Wade invented a gun that shot pigeons.

It was both genius and completely necessary in every way. Less genius was Wade’s decision to teleport around the city like a maniac, shooting the birds at every superhero he encountered. The Avengers were easiest; gathered in the Tower, they were like fish in a barrel. The voices trumped the irony of shooting the bird man with birds. 

Spider-Man was the most fun, because the gun provided him ample opportunity to bounce things off Peter Parker's butt. This was an activity that Wade found great delight in, mostly because of the exciting angles at which the pigeons bounced; this he attributed to how gloriously round and bouncy and perky Parker's ass was.

It was Daredevil that caught him eventually, who held him to a wall with a knife. It wasn’t so much the knife as the look on his face that scared Wade. He grinned. “Heya Matt old buddy.” 

By Wade’s count, his broken nose took 30 seconds to heal. The tibia took a little bit longer.


End file.
